I buy all your favorite foods so I will be ready when you come home
because once I did this and you said “This is how I know you love me.”
I go on long walks alone and think about a poem my friend wrote
that goes ‘This is how you die by distance.’
I hum the sound of the dial tone under my breath.
I stare at my hands and wonder at their uses. I consider pawning my thighs. I consider auctioning off my hip bones. I put my breasts in a box on the top shelf of the closet. I do not need them now.
I think of all the things I have to tell you when I will see you.
Stories like: I just found out pumpkins are technically fruits and Cary Grant’s first job was in a traveling circus
and Most mammals are born able to walk and learn to run within minutes, so we are not crazy for moving so fast.
This morning I wrote your name in the steam on my mirror, even though I knew it would fade within minutes
In my best notebook I wrote “I miss you” ten thousand times.
I wrote “I think I am missing one of my ribs”
I wrote “I envy the way leaves know exactly when to fall from the branches and when to come back in the spring”
I wrote “Everyone else isn’t you. It turns out that’s a huge problem for me. -Things I Do When I Cannot Hold You, Clementine von Radics (via lick-it-lovingly)